Monday, February 1, 2010

Late to the Party: An ode to Dion Phaneuf

In 2003, Darryl Sutter took the floor
"The Flames select Dion Phaneuf," he announced to a roar
Your ticket to the big league was instantly booked
And from the beginning, we were all hooked
"He's the next Chris Pronger," they whispered, "Scott Stevens, too"
Little did we know, it was too good to be true

After a 20-goal season, most fans were in cahoots
But three years after that, you got too big for your boots
You blew off Team Canada at the Worlds that spring
Then we saw you in Hawaii, having a fling

You started hanging around with some Hollywood bimbo
And your fan-favourite status was now in limbo
Then it came time for a new deal
At 6.5 million? Come on, get real!

We grimmaced and groaned as Sutter worked his magic
The 2008/09 season would prove to be quite tragic
You were injured throughout it, but played through the pain
Our patience with you was beginning to wane

As injuries mounted and cap troubles grew graver
You began to fall out of favour
They shouted: "You're lazy, you're stupid, you look like a troll!"
And your shot, well it rarely ever hit the goal

Darryl hired his brother, your coach as a kid
In hopes that he could stop your skid
As the season went on, you didn't progress
Then the team started losing, and it was a mess

Then came the rumours; Oh, how they flew!
He fights with his coaches, his teammates too!
The fans they were vicious, they booed and they jeered
And you wanted out, or so it appeared

So Sutter dialed up his old friend Burkie
And your future as a Flame was looking quite murky
On a cold Sunday morning, he pulled the trigger
And shipped you away to Toronto with vigour

Now you're a Leaf, I hope you're happy
I'll try to keep this short, and not too sappy
Good luck in Toronto, you'll be a star
Word is they have a good karaoke bar

The media is tough and the fans can be mean
But score lots of goals and they'll treat you like a Queen
Just don't pull a Brian McCabe
Or they'll run you out of town, you and your babe.

So long, Double Dion.

1 comment:

  1. I ADORE YOU! You made it make sense! Ah, such glorious puck prose!


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