Late to the Party: An ode to Dion Phaneuf

In 2003, Darryl Sutter took the floor

"The Flames select Dion Phaneuf," he announced to a roar

Your ticket to the big league was instantly booked

And from the beginning, we were all hooked

"He's the next Chris Pronger," they whispered, "Scott Stevens, too"

Little did we know, it was too good to be true

After a 20-goal season, most fans were in cahoots

But three years after that, you got too big for your boots

You blew off Team Canada at the Worlds that spring

Then we saw you in Hawaii, having a fling

You started hanging around with some Hollywood bimbo

And your fan-favourite status was now in limbo

Then it came time for a new deal

At 6.5 million? Come on, get real!

We grimmaced and groaned as Sutter worked his magic

The 2008/09 season would prove to be quite tragic

You were injured throughout it, but played through the pain

Our patience with you was beginning to wane

As injuries mounted and cap troubles grew graver

You began to fall out of favour

They shouted: "You're lazy, you're stupid, you look like a troll!"

And your shot, well it rarely ever hit the goal

Darryl hired his brother, your coach as a kid

In hopes that he could stop your skid

As the season went on, you didn't progress

Then the team started losing, and it was a mess

Then came the rumours; Oh, how they flew!

He fights with his coaches, his teammates too!

The fans they were vicious, they booed and they jeered

And you wanted out, or so it appeared

So Sutter dialed up his old friend Burkie

And your future as a Flame was looking quite murky

On a cold Sunday morning, he pulled the trigger

And shipped you away to Toronto with vigour

Now you're a Leaf, I hope you're happy

I'll try to keep this short, and not too sappy

Good luck in Toronto, you'll be a star

Word is they have a good karaoke bar

The media is tough and the fans can be mean

But score lots of goals and they'll treat you like a Queen

Just don't pull a Brian McCabe

Or they'll run you out of town, you and your babe.

So long, Double Dion.